“Forgiveness”
Recently, I asked for forgiveness from two people. It was caused by my big mouth and my temper. After doing the right thing by accepting full responsibility, I then asked for forgiveness, I also had to do a lot of work to forgive myself. In my apologies, I said that I knew that I had hurt others and that I had made others feel bad and that I was sorry.
In my own life, I am not very forgiving when my own feelings are hurt, and I tend to retaliate and take some sort of retribution when I am offended by others. I spent many moments in thought, reflection, and prayer over my recent offense and thinking about all of this. I am learning silence and stillness.
On the next Sunday, I was blessed to receive a prayer of healing with absolution for my wrongs. I am not justifying any bad actions. I am promoting self-healing.
I was then guided to read two thoughts about forgiveness during the week. Both spoke powerfully to me. One especially ripped me up and convicted me.
If you have been hurt by someone else, try to forgive them. If they ask for forgiveness and apologize, your heart will tell you if and what to do. If you have been the offender, seek forgiveness and promise to change and to not repeat the offence.
How many times should we forgive? Jesus says we should in response to a question from Peter about how many times to forgive a brother who sins against him. Peter asks if forgiving seven times is appropriate, and Jesus responds “not seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22).
The ‘Parable of the Unforgiving Servant’ is from Matthew 18:21-35. It details the story of a servant who was forgiven a massive (unrepayable) debt, only to refuse forgiveness to his own servant who owed a much smaller debt. The king had forgiven the first servant who begged the king to forgive his debt. Then that forgiven servant turned around and was unmerciful to his own servant who owed a much smaller debt and who had sought forgiveness.
The king heard about this, in anger threw the first servant, whom he first forgave his massive debt, and who was unmerciful to his own servant, into jail to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
What a powerful story. I always remember this when someone does something small injustice to me. I then remember the huge, often unpayable debts that I have been forgive in my own life.
“Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” Nelson Mandela. I have consumed a lot of poison in my life being angry at others. Resenting what someone else did to me. And then, I catch myself become the offender.
These are my guiding points to follow: Listen first. Let others speak and finish speaking first. Practice silence and wait before speaking. Taking a deep breath before speaking. Think deeply before speaking. Speak with a gracious manner and tone. Let my face and heart smile before replying. Remember the mercy that I have been given. Acknowledge my own offences immediately and ask for forgiveness. Learn and do not make the same mistakes again.
Proverbs 15:1 — “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Wise people learn from others; some learn only from their own experience; fools won’t learn at all. There is magic to the practice of speaking soft words to others.
As a person who believes in service, I read a paragraph that stunned me. I never thought of the opposite of service. “The opposite to a spirit of service is the wish to dominate, the habit to enforce our wills, our points of view and ways. Often a person doesn’t even realize the suffering he causes and is almost amazed at how little his ‘concern’ and efforts are appreciated. He even sees himself as the victim.”
I live in a world of powerful personalities, celebrities, accomplished dancers, big egos, dynamic and persuasive dynamos. Apologies are not a part of that framework. Yet, the feelings of others do matter, and dominating others is just not the right thing to do.
Has someone else ever asked you for forgiveness? Have you asked someone else for forgiveness? What were the responses? Did forgiveness go both ways? I am striving to live in mercy and give mercy to others every day.
Thank you for reading, Keep on Dancing, It will get better,
David Woodbury